The Only Way Out is Through
Many are familiar with the age-old proverb that states, “Time heals all wounds,” and while we may hope that is true, I think Robert Frost outlines the journey of healing more accurately in his statement “The only way out is through.” The reality is—trauma doesn’t simply fade with time. True healing is not passive; it requires effort, courage, and often, guidance.
The impact of trauma on a person’s life is widespread. In their book, authors Briere and Scott define trauma as “an event that is extremely upsetting, at least temporarily, overwhelms the individual’s internal resources and produces lasting psychological symptoms” (2015). Two key predictors of how much a traumatic event will impact you includes:
1. Lack of control - not being able to take an active role in your escape.
2. Lack of meaning - Not being able to make meaning from the event and properly integrate it into your story.
“Those tools and skills you developed were essential for survival at the time. However, when applied in other circumstances they tend to do more harm than good.”
Trauma makes an impact on the views we have of ourselves, others, the world around us and how it’s supposed to work. Those tools and skills you developed were essential for survival at the time. However, when applied in other circumstances they tend to do more harm than good. One common example is avoidance. After hard or frightening experiences, our brain tells us to avoid everything that seems similar. The fear of facing the trauma again becomes so big that it snowballs, until it becomes all-consuming anxiety and hypervigilance looking out for potentially dangerous situations. Another common response to trauma is mastery. Mastery is the attempt to put yourself in a once traumatic situation again and have a different outcome. The thought behind is, “This time will be different” or, “I’ll make better choices and stand up for myself.” The risks that come with this approach include putting yourself in potentially dangerous situations again and exposing yourself to more hurt.
Yet, what if there is another way to work through it, so true healing can happen? True healing requires facing the memories head on. The first step is identifying happened – both the event itself and what it took from you. This includes not only the painful memories, but also what you missed out on, in relationships, safety, or sense of self. Identification is crucial, because without it, one cannot fully understand what needs to be processed and the impact it has on your life and worldview. This first step (and each step after) requires an immense amount of bravery.
“Processing trauma gives space to evaluate the tools and skills learned for their helpfulness and effectiveness in present day.”
In doing the work of true healing by processing trauma, you also learn what skills, tools, and coping skills were learned. Again, those tools and skills were useful and necessary for survival at the time, however, become maladaptive when applied to other areas of someone’s life. Processing trauma gives space to evaluate the tools and skills learned for their helpfulness and effectiveness in present day. It gives you space to ask:
Are these tools healthy and helpful?
Are they aligned with who I am now or who I want to be?
While bravery is required in all steps of processing trauma, it is important to remember that you have support as well. By doing this work in the counseling setting, you have another person walking alongside you. You do not have to worry about going about it alone.
Through counseling and processing your story, my hope is you learn we cannot and will not erase the history, however growing to a place of believing that you can do really hard things and not be stuck. In this, you are rewriting the impact by growing beyond survival into a place of thriving. In doing you’re showing honor and value to yourself, others, and the world around you.
Citations
Briere, J. N., & Scott, C. (2015). Principles of Trauma Therapy: A Guide to Symptoms, Evaluation, and Treatment (2nd ed., DSM-5 update). Sage Publications, Inc.